Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

guardian angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. 'Where are you?' the man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh yeah?' the man asked... 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'

male translations
"No, really, I'm OK to drive."
--I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.

"I'm not used to these darts."
--I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.

"You get this one, next round is on me."
--We won't be here long enough to get another round.

"I'll get this one, next one is on you."
--Happy hour is about to drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.

"Lets get out of here."
--I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.

"Can I get a glass of white zinfindel?"
--I'm gay.

"Ever try a body shot?" (Male to female)
--I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

"I've had like 10 beers already."
--I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

"Who's got the next round?"
--I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

"Excuse Me." (male to female)
--I am going to grope you now.

"I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning."
--I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been avoiding him since football season.

"What do you have on tap?"
--What's cheap?

"Can I just get a glass of water?"
--It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, so it's the least you can do for me.

take it like a man, baby
What did the woman do when she found out that her husband was gay?

She turned around and took it like a man.

nudist bmoc
Q. Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony?
A. The girl who can eat the last donut.

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