Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


change up
 
 
The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row at a Yankees game, surrounded by Secret Service agents. Before the game starts, one of the agents whispers in the president's ear, and Mr. Bush smiles and nods. Then he grabs Laura Bush by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet onto the field, cursing all the way before landing in a heap in the dirt. The president raises his arms triumphantly and gets high-fives from fans all around him. Then the agent leans over again and whispers, "Uh, Mr. President, I said they want you to throw out the first pitch!"
guardian angel
 
 
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. 'Where are you?' the man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh yeah?' the man asked... 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'

take it like a man, baby
 
 
What did the woman do when she found out that her husband was gay?

She turned around and took it like a man.

sex over-easy
 
 
These two eggs had just been married and were on their honeymoon.

While they were sitting on the bed making out, the female egg pushed the male egg away and said, "I just have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." and off she went.

Five minutes later, the male egg saw his sexy wife walk out in a slinky ‘egg’lige, wiping her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.

The female egg looked at him and asked what he was doing.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon!"


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