Men And Women jokes

With a magic marker

Nevada State Tourism Board
"Nothing Says I LOVE YOU Like Legalized Prostitution and Gambling" T-shirts, baseball caps, and coffee mugs.

Ku Klux Klan
* Valentine's Day Heart Burning, co-sponsored by Alka Seltzer

Vatican Public Relations Office
* "Naughty Altar Boy" limited edition ceramic figurine

American Heart Association
* Chocolate heart with marshallow-filled arteries. Simultaneously a touching token of love and a serious warning to an overweight sweetheart.

Daughters of the American Revolution
* Illustrated Kama Sutra featuring George and Martha Washington. Comes with authentic period wooden dental dam.

PETA
* Spray Paint a Red Heart on Joan Rivers' Coat Competition

National Society of Organ Donors
* "My Heart Belongs to You (As Soon As I'm Brain Dead)" cards.

Department of Homeland Security
* Moving the Valentine's Day National Warning System Code Red for a "High Risk of Lovin'"

9. Play romantic music to drown out the cries of tortured dissidents.

8. Shampoo and condition your mustache.

7. Don't be a cheapskate at the movies -- buy the large hummus!

6. Have a violinist brought over to your table and executed.

5. Show sensitive side by releasing her family from prison.

4. "Say it with toxic nerve agents"

3. Sit on porch swing and watch twinkling United State reconnaissance satellites.

2. Name a camel after her.

1. Ask if she wants to "inspect your biological weapon."