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"What can I help you with?' he asked.
'Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?'
'Ma'am,' he answered, 'that there is called a penis.'
'I see,' she said. 'Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?'
'Why that there is called the head of the penis.'
'I do declare!' exclaimed the young woman. 'One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?'
'I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!'
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The first guy says, "Hey that's my egg."
The other guy responds, "But it's on my lawn."
The first guy says, "Well, where I come from, we have a way of settling these problems. First we get our heaviest boots and kick each other in the nuts. Then we time each other to see how long it takes for both of us to get up. Whoever is up in the least amount of time wins." The other guy says okay.
So the guy with the hen kicks first, because it's his hen. The second guy doesn't get up for 30 minutes, but he finally does and says, "Now it's my turn."
But the first guy walks away, saying, "Never mind, you can keep the egg."
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"Congratulations!" says the king. "You may now have my daughter's hand in marriage."
"Screw that," says the man. "I want the cow."
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'I know!' the next woman says, 'Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house but when I called he wasn't there.'
The third woman says, 'I always know where my husband is.'
'Impossible!' both women say, 'He has you completely fooled!'
'Oh no,' says the woman. 'I'm a widow.'
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