Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


harley davidson and woman
 
 
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself."

The befeathered fellow at the gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: One, there's too much front-end protrusion Two, it chatters at high speeds. Three, the rear end wobbles too much. Four, the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God tells Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

ten cents
 
 
A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom factory, and were having a hard time finding new jobs. Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. But financial necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband's back to go whoring. She came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made.

"$398.10," she said.

"Who paid ten cents?" he asked.

"Everybody."

men & women of chemistry
 
 

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

pms
 
 
Q: Why do they call PMS PMS?

A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

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