Men And Women jokes

What is a man's idea of housework?

Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his. So he sits down with his friend and tells him, 'Friend, I got a dilemma.' The friend asks him, 'What's the problem?' He says, 'Well, I went on my honeymoon and I was excited because I would make love to her for the first time.' And the friend asks, 'So what is the problem?' 'Let me finish,' says the friend. 'When the time came, my wife took out her orthopaedic leg, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her arm, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her eye, and finally took off her hair and put them both in the closet.' 'Wow,' says his friend, 'and what seems to be the dilemma?' 'Well,' says the guy, 'I don't know if I should make love to her on the bed or the closet.'

A wife comes home and tells her husband, “Dear, something is wrong with my car. It's got water in the carbeurator.”

The husband replies, “That's not possible.”

The wife insists, “Well, it has water in the carbeurator.”

“You cannot have water in the carbeurator,” says the husband.

“Well,” says the wife, “my car has it.”

The husband gets up and sighs, “OK, fine. Where is the car?”

The wife points toward the backyard, “In the swimming pool.”

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that her husband can't get it up like he used to and their sex life is suffering. The doctor asks, "Have you heard of a new drug named Zyban?" The lady says yes, but adds that her husband refuses to take pills of any kind, and certainyl won't take anything that "will make him feel like less of a man." The doctor advises the woman to slip it into his morning coffee when he isn't looking. The woman is nervous, but the doctor insists, "it will cange your life within a day," os she figures she'd better try it.

A week goes by and the lady shows back up at the doctor's office and the doctor asks her how it went. The lady heaves a tremedous sigh and explains, "I snuck it into his coffee like you said. And, sure enough, within 15 minutes, he cleared off the table, threw me on it and we had the best sex we'd had in 20 years." Perplexed, the doctor asks, "What's wrong with that?" And the lady schakes her head and says, "I don't think i'll be able to show my face at McDonalds again."