Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


sharing an order
 
 
There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's. They ordered one cheeseburger, one large fry, one large drink, and an extra large soda. When the old couple sat down, the man sitting next to them watched the old man cut the burger in half, taking half of the fries and giving his wife half, and pouring the soda in the extra cup he ordered.

The man at the next table was confused, so he went over there and told the couple that if they couldn't afford a meal for each of them, he would be happy to pay for it. The old man shook his head and told him that there was no need because he and his wife had shared everything for the last 40 years.

The man went back to his seat and then he saw the old man eating while the old woman just sat there doing nothing.

He went over to them again and asked the old lady why she wasn't eating.
She said, "Well, it's his turn to use the teeth."

pearly gates
 
 
Three guys were at the Pearly Gates when Peter answered. He said there was one space open for someone. He asked them how they died.

"I came home one day and saw my wife in bed, naked. I looked all over the house and decided to check the balcony. I saw some fingers so I took a hammer and hit his fingers but a bush broke his fall so I took my fridge and threw it on him. But I felt so bad for killing a man that I killed myself."

"I was painting on the 37th floor, when I slipped and fell. I was holding on to a balcony, when some guy hit me on the fingers with a hammer so I fell, and then dropped a fridge on me."

"I was hiding innnocently in the fridge."

hubby homing device
 
 
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, everytime he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
flower bribes
 
 
One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

She rolled her eyes and said, "There comes the a**hole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."

Her friend promptly replied, "Don't you have a vase?"


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