Men And Women jokes

The guy says, 'Who is this?'

'This is the maid,' answers the woman.

'We don't have a maid,' says the man.

The woman says, 'I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'

The man says, 'Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'

The woman replies, 'She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.'

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, 'Listen, would you like to make $50,000?'

The maid says, 'What will I have to do?'

The man tells her, 'I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.'

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, 'What do I do with the bodies?'

The man says, 'Throw them in the swimming pool.'

Puzzled, the maid answers, 'But you don't have a pool.'

A long pause and the man says, 'Is this 567-5309?'

The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?'

The guy says, 'I said BAD DOG!'

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well. put them between my thighs and warm them up again.” He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, “Honey, my hands are really, really freezing.” She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?”