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Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
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THE DENTIST because he says 'open wide.'
THE HAIR DRESSER because he says 'do you want them teased or blown?"
THE MILKMAN because he says 'do you want it in the back or in the front?'
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says'once it's in you'll love it.'
THE BANKER because he says 'if you take it out too soon you'll lose interest."
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At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."
A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"
"I mean her legs!"
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The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
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