Men And Women jokes

Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens as much as talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

A southern girl returned home after a summer with her grandparents in Ohio. Her friends asked her what she learned on her trip.
"Well, they have these men up there who like other men."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them gay."
"What else did you learn?"
"Well, they have these women who like other women."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them lesbians."
"Did you learn anything else?"
"Yes. They have these men who lick women in their most private parts."
"Ooh. What do they call them?"
"I don't know, but when he was done, I called him 'Precious.'"

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner and a movie, they head on up to Makeout Mountain, where things get a little hot 'n' heavy. Then the guy leans over.

"Do you want to go in the backseat?"

"No." Unfazed, they continue making out. The guy trys again.

"Do you want to go in the backseat?"

"No." A little frustrated, the man decides to ignore it. They continue to get pretty into it. Soon, the man figures he can ask agin.

"Do you want to go in the backseat?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to stay up here with you."

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him.

He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"