Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

guess who?
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

six hours to live
After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home and tells his wife he has approximately six hours left to live. Of course, they go straight to bed and have some amazing, athletic sex. Half an hour later, the man asks his wife if they can have sex again. They do, and it's even more vigourous and ferocious sex. An hour later, the man asks his wife for sex again, and they have a ball-busting, rib-breaking round of sex. An hour later, the man wants it again.

"No way," says the wife. "I have to get up in the morning. You don't."

10 things men won't say
  1. Let's watch Lifetime!
  2. Sex is overrated.
  3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
  4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
  5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
  6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
  7. My hips are too big.
  8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
  9. Does this suit make me look fat?
  10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
real men
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed.

"What happened then?" they asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

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