Men And Women jokes

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bad girls vs good girls
  • Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
  • Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
  • Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
  • Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
  • Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
  • Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
  • Good girls say, 'Don't... Stop...' Bad girls say, 'Don't Stop...'
so you want to marry a millionaire ?
A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said,'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
'That was incredible!' she said.
'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
'That was incredible!" he said. "Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.'
the maid
There was once a man whose wife had gone for a vacation. When she comes back from vacation and starts reorganizing her wardrobe, the wife finds that there are two panties in her dresser which do not belong to her. Seeing this, she gets very angry and calls her husband and asks him , "Whose panties are these?" Taken aback, he replies, "I have no idea"' She gets really irritated and asks him to tell the truth, and then calls the maid. She questions the maid and asks her who these panties belong to. The maid replies, 'Madam, how do I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't wear panties, you can ask Sir, he knows it.'
geriatric communication
An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?”

The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you.”

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What's for dinner, honey?” No reponse. He moves to ten feet behind her and asks again, no response. Five feet, no answer.

Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what's for supper?”

She says, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”

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