Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute. When it was over she told him to pay $500. He said he'd send it to her in an envelope marked 'Rent for Apartment.' The next day, however, he regretted that he spent the night with her and sent only $250. When she wrote him a letter asking why he didn't pay full price, he wrote her a memo saying:
1. I thought the apartment had not been used before.
2. It did not have adequate heating.
3. It was too large to properly furnish.

A few days later the prostitute sent him another letter saying:
1. You should have known the apartment had been rented previously.
2. The apartment did have adequate heating. You just didn't know how to turn it on.
3. The apartment was the perfect size. You just didn't have large enough furniture to fill it.

An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.

'How much is this one?' he asked. 'Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,' he explained.

'How much is that one?' he asked 'Well that one is a female brain and its $100.' he explained.

'And how much is that one?' he asked. 'That one is a male's brain and it is $500' he explained.

'Why so expensive?' the alien asked. 'Well it has hardly been used!'

laugh lines
Man to wife: 'Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!'

Wife: 'They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!'

Man: 'Nothing is that freakin' funny!!'

wife's work on the sly
A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.

"5th and Main, please."

"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."

"Really? My wife doesn't work."

"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I drive you to work."


"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."

"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours, and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later, the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman & Lane.

"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."

There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out with a woman in a headlock.

"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.

"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."

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