Men And Women jokes

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." -- Dolly Parton

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -- Wendy Liebman

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to." -- Erma Bombeck

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." -- Sue Grafton

"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky

"I think -- therefore I'm single." -- Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug

"In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

"I wish for the coolest cars in the universe."

"Done."

"I wish for the most luxurious mansion in the universe."

"Done."

"And I wish for the best woman in the world."

So God sent him Mother Theresa.

'Why?' asked his friend.

'Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up.'