Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


how to impress a woman
 
 
1) Wine her.
2) Dine her.
3) Call her.
4) Hug her.
5) Hold her.
6) Surprise her.
7) Compliment her.
8) Smile at her.
9) Laugh with her.
10) Cry with her
11) Cuddle with her.
12) Shop with her.
13) Give her jewelry.
14) Buy her flowers.
15) Hold her hand.
16) Write love letters to her.
17) Write poetry for her.
18) Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.

How to Impress a Man:
1) Show up naked.
2) Bring beer.
little johnny's time of the month
 
 
Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings a box of tampons to the register.

The cashier looks at the boy and says, "Hi. Are these for your mom?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, "Umm, no."

The cashier says, "Oh. Then they're for your sister?"

Little Johnny says, "uh-unh."

The cashier, now a bit curious, says, "Oh. Then they must be for your granny!"

Little Johnny says, "Nope."

The cashier is now really confused. Finally she asks, "Well, what are you going to do with them?"

Little Johnny says, "Well, I'm not sure yet. But on TV, they said if I buy these I can go fishing and swimming and horseback riding!"

hospital donation clinics
 
 
A man and a woman meet in a hospital donation clinic.

The man says to the woman, "What are you here to give?"

She says, "I'm here to give blood. I get paid $5."

The man says, "Oh, I'm here to donate sperm, I get paid $25!" A couple of weeks later they meet again in the clinic.

The man says, "Hi there! Are you here to give blood again?"

The woman puffs her cheeks out and shakes her head.

farmer and the cow
 
 
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milkin' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!


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