Men And Women jokes

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.

“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”

“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”

Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”

To which the man replied, “Get in line.”

These three guys are out having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now, one of these guys just doesn't believe it.

“OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

“Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly — and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. All of a sudden, the guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time. The last guy is so impressed that he asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid looks at him, very concerned.

“I don't normally try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I'd really wish you'd reconsider.”

“No way. I want you to quintuple my I.Q., and if you don't, I won't set you free.”

“Please,” says the mermaid, “you don't know what you're asking... it will change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?” But the man remains steadfast. The mermaid sighs and says, “Done!” And he becomes a woman.

There are three kinds of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffeRing.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."