Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


lawyers vs prostitutes
 
 
How are lawyers like whores?

They both get paid to screw people.

electricity mathematics
 
 
Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb into a socket?

A: One -- because men will screw anything.

man of the house
 
 
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife.

"See if they fit."

"They don't."

"Now you see who will wear the pants in this house." She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on.

"I can't get into these."

"And you won't, either, with that attitude."

best excuse for speeding
 
 
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. 'They'll never catch me,' he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. 'What in hell am I doing?' he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. 'I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!' he said.

'Last week my wife ran off with a cop,' the man said, 'and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!'

'Have a nice night,' said the officer.


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