Animals jokes

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a bunny story
 
 
Once there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road.

Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. Once the man knew what had happened, he quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, laying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter bunny.

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter bunny!"

The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertable. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.

The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it's all my fault."

The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"

The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

bird brained
 
 
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat's Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag"

The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick's van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.

"Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick.

He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!"

As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head.

"Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me..."

A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.'

Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.

"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.

Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean's mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff.

Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin' that parrotshooting oider..."

After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.'

Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

"For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin' hengliding..."

frog crossing
 
 
Q: Why did the frog cross the road?

A: It didn't.

two little snakes
 
 
Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, 'What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, 'Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, 'What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, 'Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.'

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