Animals jokes

Jokes » animals » humor 135

Animals


statue fantasy
 
 
An old wizard was walking through a park when he came upon two statues. One statue was male and the other was female. They were positioned on opposite ends of the park, facing each other with their arms extended out as if to embrace. The wizard stood there for a long time examining their sad facial expressions until he got an idea.

He immediately opened up his bag of tricks and cast a spell on the statues to bring them to life. Once the statues realized they were human, they quickly ran up to him. The wizard, being very pleased with himself, told the statues that they could finally be together as a couple but there was one condition. He said, 'Go off and experience with each other whatever you've wanted to do for all these years but you must be back within a half an hour before the spell wears off.'

Wasting no time, they quickly ran off into the bushes. The wizard, with great pride, sat down on a park bench and waited patiently. Fifteen minutes later the two statues came walking back to him.

The wizard, with great shock exclaimed, 'For over a hundred years you both have bore your passions and now that you have your chance, you come back after only fifteen minutes? Go back to the bushes and continue what you were doing before you lose your only chance!'

With that in mind the female turns to the male and exclaims, 'The old man's right. But this time you hold down the pigeons and I'll crap on them!'

sleeping squirrel
 
 
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?

To keep his nuts warm!

bishop and the ass
 
 
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

green and jumpy
 
 
What is green and jumps from bed to bed?

A prostitoad.


Page 136 of 155     «« Previous | Next »»