Animals jokes

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, 'What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, 'Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, 'What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, 'Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.'

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."

So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.

The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared!

But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.

Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito,and Dominic.

These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired.

Then they got back into their limo and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!

"Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins from North Jersey--the Guinea Pigs."

Why did the fly fall off the toilet?

It got pissed off.

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"