Animals jokes

Why did the fly fall off the toilet?

It got pissed off.

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor complaining that he can't get any women. The doctor says, 'Well, I can't help you, but I know a witchdoctor who can'. So the man goes to see the witchdoctor, and the witchdoctor tells the man to go to the lake, and that when he gets there, he will see a magic frog. All he has to do is ask the frog to marry him. When the frog says 'no', his penis will shrink ten inches.
So, the man goes to the lake and sees the frog. 'Frog,' the man says, 'will you marry me?'
'No!' says the frog.
Suddenly, his penis was only forty inches long.
Well, that's good, but I need it shorter, the man thinks to himself. Once again, he asks the frog, and his penis shrinks ten inches. Now he is down to thirty inches. That's pretty good, but it could be a little shorter, he thought. So the man asks the frog to marry him, and in a furious rage the frog answews ' for the last time! NO! NO! NO!'

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.
When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'

And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!'