Men And Women jokes

The next morning one of the guys said, 'I think my girl was dead, because she didn't grunt or groan when we were having sex last night.' The other guy said, 'I think my girl was a witch, because when I bit her on the tit she hissed and flew away....'

Not everyone's been on the internet!

The guy says, 'Who is this?'

'This is the maid,' answers the woman.

'We don't have a maid,' says the man.

The woman says, 'I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'

The man says, 'Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'

The woman replies, 'She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.'

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, 'Listen, would you like to make $50,000?'

The maid says, 'What will I have to do?'

The man tells her, 'I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.'

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, 'What do I do with the bodies?'

The man says, 'Throw them in the swimming pool.'

Puzzled, the maid answers, 'But you don't have a pool.'

A long pause and the man says, 'Is this 567-5309?'

When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."

So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.

The husband says, "I can deal with that."

He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you nyway."

The husband says, "I have something to confess also."

She says, "No matter what I will still love you."

He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."

She says, "I can deal with that."

So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.

She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"

He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."