Men And Women jokes

Jokes » men and women » humor 4

Men And Women


paraplegic
 
 
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who...
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.

Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

be fruitful and multiply
 
 
A dead-beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gate by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him.

Looking over the dead-beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. 'Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'

The man jumped up. 'Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'

St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy-- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.'

naked olympic pole vaulting
 
 
A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking girl and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear."

the shakes
 
 
An old man and a old woman met at an retirement home. They had been dating for quite some time now and one day the old man asks, "If I pull out my penis, would you hold it?" The women agrees and so everyday they would sit on a bench in the garden and the woman would hold the man's penis. One day the woman went to the garden early and found the man with another woman. She approached the man and asked what the other woman has that she doesn't. The man replied gleefully "Parkinsons"!

Page 5 of 229     «« Previous | Next »»