1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Looking over the dead-beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. 'Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'
The man jumped up. 'Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'
St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy-- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.'
When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"
The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.
The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear."
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