Men And Women jokes

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table with a red face. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, 'I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations.' To which he responds, screaming at the top of his lungs, 'What do you mean $200 for a BJ?'

"How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.

She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.

Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve.

When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?"

He replied, 'You know me, dear. I don't have a good time when you're not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement playing poker. It wasn't very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my costume to had the time of his life!"