Men And Women jokes

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.

"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "Never, my dear."

The wife said, "I'm sure you would."

So the husband said, "Okay, I would"

"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.

And the husband replied, "I suppose so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?"

"I doubt she'd want to," the husband said. "She'd be so much thinner."

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at 'Lovers' Cove' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.

'NO!' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

'NO!' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

'Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?' asked the guy.

'For the last time, NO!' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, 'Well, why the hell not?'

The blonde looked at him and said, 'Because I wanna stay up here with you.'

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."