Men And Women jokes

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school so the nun asked him, "Who was our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny who sat behind her took out a pin and pokes her in the butt, making Mary yell "Jesus Christ!"

Very good says the teacher. Mary falls back asleep. So the nun wakes her back up and asks, "Who created the universe?" Little Johnny pokes her in the butt with a pin again, making Mary yell, "God Almighty!"

The teacher says very good. And unconvinced that Mary would stay awake, she asks Mary, "What did Eve say to Adam after giving birth?" Little Mary jumped out of her seat and yells, "If you shove that thing in my butt one more time I'm gonna break it in half and shove it down youre throat."

Yo mama so old, when I slapped her on the back, her titties fell off.

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asks one of the cowboys. No, signals the woman, desperately shaking her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bitblue, shakes her head. "No" again. The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her knickers, and slowly runs his tongue up and down the woman's behind. This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again. The cowboy slowly walks back over to the bar and proudly takes a drink of his beer. His partner says in admiraton, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it."

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said."You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife," The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."