Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


the rules
 
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules can change without notice. 3. Males can't know the rules. 4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules. 5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong. 6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong. 7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The female can change her mind. 9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female. 10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules. 14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
the naked truth
 
 
This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.

He asks, 'What the hell are you doing?'

Thinking quickly, the wife says, 'Uhm...waiting for you.'

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, 'But you're naked.'

Again the woman says, 'Yeah... I was waiting for you.'

The husband relaxes and says, 'Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!'

The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping.

The husband asks,' What in the hell are you doing?'

He replied, 'I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.'

The husband looks him over and says,'But you're naked.'

The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, 'Them little bastards.'

men and mad cow disease
 
 
Why can't men get mad cow disease?

Because they are all pigs.

small town justice
 
 
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 'But officer,' the man said, 'I can explain.'

'Just be quiet!!!' snapped the officer. 'Or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back.'

'But officer, I just wanted to say...'

'And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!'

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a great mood when he gets here.'

'Don't count on it,' said the prisoner. 'I'm the groom.'


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