Men And Women jokes

She did and they were nearly twice her size. 'There's no way I can wear these. They're too big,' she said.

'Good, now you know who wears the pants in this family.'

Flustered, the wife takes off her panties and gives them to her husband. 'Put these on,' she commands.

The husband looks at the small pair of panties and says, 'There's no way I can get into these.'

To which the wife replied, 'You're right about that until you change your attitude.'

    "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

    "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing.  Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.  The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"