Men And Women jokes

1. Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts when given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

1. Has a genuine affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of attention.
3. VOLATILE: May explode without warning for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in water, but activity greatly increased with alcohol.

1. Primarily ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Found to be a great aid to relaxation.

1. Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed next to a fresher specimen.

1. Hard to retain when left in inexperienced hands.
2. Illegal (not to mention deadly) to possess more than one at a time.

The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.

Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's penis, and he stops snoring.

The next morning her husband wakes up and looks at his dog and looks down at himself.

"I don't know what happened last night, but it appears we came in first and second."

A: Take your foot off his head!

He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"