Men And Women jokes

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.

Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the little girl next door came up and asked if she could play, too. He said, "okay."
Shortly he began bragging, "I have a big fire engine."
The girl responded, "So, I have a fire engine too. See!"
Only slightly put off he expressed, "I have a toy tank!"
She looked at it and quietly reached behind the sand box and pulled out a toy M1 Tank and said, "I have one, too."
The young boy almost in tears dropped his pants and says, "I have a penis!"
The little girl looked down her pants and burst into tears and ran home crying all the way.
The next day the lad is playing in his sand box when the little girl approaches. He says, "are you back for more? I told you I have a penis and you don't!"
"Well," said the little girl, "my mom told me not to worry about it. She said I have one of these... and as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?

A: Hold a tupperware party!