Men And Women jokes

Video games and porno.

If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it.

He asks, 'What the hell are you doing?'

Thinking quickly, the wife says, 'Uhm...waiting for you.'

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, 'But you're naked.'

Again the woman says, 'Yeah... I was waiting for you.'

The husband relaxes and says, 'Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!'

The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping.

The husband asks,' What in the hell are you doing?'

He replied, 'I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.'

The husband looks him over and says,'But you're naked.'

The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, 'Them little bastards.'

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."