Men And Women jokes

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 'But officer,' the man said, 'I can explain.'

'Just be quiet!!!' snapped the officer. 'Or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back.'

'But officer, I just wanted to say...'

'And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!'

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a great mood when he gets here.'

'Don't count on it,' said the prisoner. 'I'm the groom.'

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, because they never get the house!

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way did you notice that I lost 10 pounds? No, you didn't notice, you never notice. Anyway she came over and wore an ARTIFICIAL wig. I mean isn't that awful? An ARTIFICIAL wig? I mean her husband could buy a real one with his money, but I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I asked her how much weight she lost and she said she lost 20 pounds. Yeah, right, like I can see, I have eyes you know. Oh did I say why I asked her that? Because we follow the same diet, and you don't know that. Well, anyway, we sat down and had a cup of coffee.
His version: Jane came over for a cup of coffee.

When should a woman get a suntan?

When the roof blows off the kitchen!