Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

secrets of a successful date
Before you leave your house...
1. Put on a little too much cologne.

2. Before you leave home, fill your pockets with mints. When your date says something to you when she's really close, give her a mint. EX: Girl - 'This movie sure is romantic.' Guy - 'Here's a mint, now what did you say?'

When you go to pick her up:
1. When you get to her door, don't knock or ring the doorbell, just go on in. She's expecting you.

2. Call her parents by their first names.

3. If she asks you how she looks, and her parents are nearby, tell her she looks sexy.

4. When introducing yourself to her parents, tell them that you prefer to go by your gang name.

5. Always look nice when you meet the parents. wear a new Marlboro jacket and be sure to tell them how many Marlboro bucks it took to get it. Parents smile upon a man that can save his Marlboro money.

6. Show respect. Take your Fubu cap and matching coat off when you enter the house. Make sure you wear your cap and coat in the summer too. If her parents ask why, tell them that you're 'keepin' it real.'

On the way to wherever:
1. Do NOT let her touch the radio or the air conditioner. You are the man, make sure she knows that.

2. If she makes up for lost time by putting on her lipstick in the car, gently tap the brakes at the same time the lipstick touches her mouth.

3. Check out the girl in the other car while at the stoplight.

4. If you pick the girl up from home at 6:45, have someone call you on the cell phone at 7:00 and talk to them till you get to your destination, this way you won't have to worry about what to say to her.

5. Drive ten miles BELOW the speed limit.

6. Develop a really bad Pee Wee Herman impression and talk to her through it.

When you arrive at your destination:
1. If you go to the movies, flirt with the girl at the ticket counter.

2. If you go to a restaurant, say you're really hungry. Let her order first. Since you'll be eating heavy, she'll probably order a big meal, too. When she finishes, order a small coke and a box of McDonaldland cookies.

3. If you get nervous, just pretend that she's one of your guy friends. At the end of the meal, say 'Boy, you ate everything but the table.' Say it with confidence.

4. Be classy. If you eat at McDonald's, leave a tip.

On the way back to her house: Take your cell phone and call another girl. Ask her to do something with you in about an hour.

little voice
"Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back!"

"Try coming home at 3 in the morning."

we cause blindness
How do you make a woman blind?
Put a windshield in front of her!
woman who has everything
What do you give the woman who has everything?

My phone number.

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