Whatever jokes

2) Thanks for calling the psychic hotline. I'm not in my office right now, but leave your number and what you think of when you hear the following: orange, mother, unicorn. Also, leave me a brief history of your childhood. Thank you.

3) Hi, this is [YOUR NAME]'s refrigerator. The answering machine eloped with the tape deck so this is my job for a while. Leave a message and I'll stick it to myself so that [YOUR NAME] receives it promptly.

4) This is you know who, I'm you know where, leave your you know what, you know when.

5) Hi. Now you say something.

6) This is not the pizza place, so please do not leave an order or Luigi will come after you again.

7) [YOUR NAME]'s palace of pleasure. If you are a man/woman, leave your phone number and a brief description of yourself. If you are a man/woman hang up the phone and don't call back. I'm not gay.

A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.

By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.

The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.

By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount.

The other men looked down in embarrassment and the lawyer continued, "Indeed, only I honored the deathbed wishes of our great friend. My envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to disco!."

4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."

2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."

1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.