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a skeleton walks into a bar...
 
 
A skeleton walks into a bar, and says, "Give me shot, and a mop."
a zoo story
 
 
A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I'm taking him to the movies."

a blonde was working on a puzzle. after ten ...
 
 
A blonde was working on a puzzle.

After ten hard months of work, she finally finished.

She was so proud of herself because on the side of the box it said, "2-3 years."

need for speed?
 
 
A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo after it had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please." "What's the problem, officer?" "You just ran that stop sign back there." "Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me." "Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution." "You gotta be kidding me!" "It's no joke, sir." "Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution." "That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and—" "You've got a lot of time on your hands, pal. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?" "Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately." "I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." The policeman had enough. "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the rude motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

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