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yo mama
 
 
Yo mama's so sorry she missed your birthday last week, she bought you a cake so big you gotta eat it twice to have it once!
passing football
 
 
A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the football team. The coach asked him if he could tackle and he said, "Hell yah, get a load of this!"

And with that knocked over a telephone pole as if it were made of balsa wood.

The coach was dumbfounded and asked if the boy could run, to which the boy replied, "Hell yah!" and he sprinted from endzone to endzone like lightning.

The coach stood there with his mouth agape to see such a huge boy run so fast. He finally composed himself and said, "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman stopped to think for a few seconds, then said, "Hell yah, if I can swallow it, I can surely pass it!"

top ten ways to freak out your roommate
 
 
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, 'He just didn't belong.'

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, 'The hair, it's growing. Growing!'

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, 'Soon, soon....'

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, 'I've got an important message for you.' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, 'Oh, yeah, I remember!' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, 'Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, 'Hooray! You're back!' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, 'Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, 'No, I want to watch them suffer.'

hide the duke
 
 
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"


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