Whatever jokes

Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is?

That's bird poop, too.

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven when Saint Peter met them and asked, 'What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?'

The first man answered, 'I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone's life.'

The second man replied, 'I am a family man and a school teacher. I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I had made a difference in some young person's life.'

The third man said, 'Wow guys, those are really great sentiments but I guess if I had my choice I would rather hear someone say, 'LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!'

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto, there's grass grower.
* In the suburbs, there's 'corner stores.' In the ghetto, there's liquor stores, bail bonds, weed, and lottery numbers in one building.
* In the suburbs, there's microbrews. In the ghetto, there's 40 ounces.
* In the suburbs, there's homeade acid. In the ghetto, there's 'sizurp.'
* In the suburbs, the ice cream man sells just ice cream. In the ghetto, he sells ice cream, chips, drinks, candy, crack, weed and mixtapes.
* In the suburbs, there's a response to a 911 call. 'Nuff said.
* In the suburbs, there's neighborhood parks. In the ghetto, there's corners.
* In the suburbs, there's lifestyles of the rich and famous. In the ghetto, there's lifestyles of the broke and pissed off.
* In the suburbs, there's Rover, Spot, etc. In the ghetto, there's Butch, Killa, Boo....
* In suburban schools, teachers are fired. In ghetto schools, teachers quit.
* In the suburbs, kids wear red, white or blue because they 'just like the color.' In the ghetto, kids wear red white or blue 'cuz that'z whut I claim.'
* In the suburbs, kids come home with candy. In the ghetto, kids come home with candy, coke can tops, crack pipes, etc.
* In the suburbs, you pop firecrackers on the 4th of July. In the ghetto, you pop firecrackers from the end of school until Halloween.
* In the suburbs, you have 'Honey I'm home' In the ghetto, you have 'Who was that came in the doe'?!"
* In the suburbs, dad's oldies are the Beatles, John Denver, etc. In the suburbs, dad's oldies are George Clinton, Zapp and Roger and the O'Jays--until they were stolen.
* In the suburbs, teenage bands consists of drums, bass, regular guitar, and the main vocalist. In the ghetto, teenage 'bands' consists of a table, a hairbrush and 15 or 20 dudes standing around taking turns freestylin'.
* In the suburbs, cable consists of 100 regular channels, and all the premium and pay-per-view channels In the ghetto, you have cable running from next door, 60 out of the 100 channels show up, and the others need a clothes hanger and some aluminum foil to show up halfway decent.
* In the suburbs, dad keeps his gun hid in a closet, and breaks it out during hunting season. In the ghetto, you gotta pack the steel everywhere you go.
* In the suburbs, you have community watch service. In the ghetto, you just have the community watch signs, spray-painted over.
* In the suburbs, you have bandanas In the ghetto, you have 'rags."
* In the suburbs, you wear your jewelry. In the ghetto, you 'floss yo' ice."
* In the suburbs, if your lights are cut off, you use candles.
* In the ghetto, you take your lamp and 2 or 3 extension cords and use the next-door neighbor's power.
* In the suburbs, potholes are in the middle of street. In the ghetto, Michelob bottles, and cigarette butts are in the middle of street.

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid.

9. You can hold a firm belief in something like the existence of 'space-cats' and nobody holds it against you.

8. The ability to inhale eggs through your nose is very popular at parties.

7. You can (apparently) easily become the President of the United States.

6. Lucky Charms. For you they really are magically delicious.

5. You already know the answer to the question: 'What are you, stupid?'

4. You are now categorized. i.e.: Trekkies, Goths, Hackers, stupid people, etc.

3. You can talk to animals. At least you think you can.

2. It's like being in grade 8 for your whole life.

1. Breaking stuff. It never gets old.