Whatever jokes

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blonde bet
A blonde and a brunette are in a bar. As they order their drinks, they watch the 6 o' clock news. On the broadcast is a man about to jump from a building. Hours pass as they find themselves sitting in the same seats at the bar watching the 10 o' clock news. The brunette says to the blonde, "I bet you $20 that the man jumps." Thinking for a moment, the blonde takes the bet. Sure enough the man jumps. As the blonde reaches into her purse to pay the bet, she says, "My God, I just saw that same man on the 6 o'clock news, I didn't think he would jump again."
redneck christmas shopping
You know you're a redneck when...

you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.

'Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.'
'Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!'
'Man who run behind car get exhausted'
'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day'
'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.'
'Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok'
'Man with one chopstick go hungry.'
'Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.'
'Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.'
'Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!'
'Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.'
'War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.'
'Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.'
'Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.'
'Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!'
'Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!'
'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.'
'Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!'
'Man who sit on tack get point!'
'Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!'
'Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.'
'He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.'
'Man who farts in church sits in own pew.'
'Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion'.
'Crowded elevator smells different to midget."
the ex-wife and the genie
One day a man was planting flowers outside his new house when he found a bottle with a cork in it. He took out the cork and with a poof, a genie came out. 'I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife gets double,' said the genie.
'Okay. for my first wish I want one million dollars,' said the man. And, in a poof of smoke, one million dollars appeared.
'Hmm... but now my ex-wife has two million dollars,' said the man, 'But, for my next wish, I want a five-story manson." And, in a poof of smoke his house turns into a five-story manson. 'But now my ex-wife has a twenty-story manson,' said the man.
'And now, for your last wish?' asked the genie. 'Hmmm... YES! I have the greatest wish yet. Why didn't think of this earlier?!' replied the man. 'For my last wish, I want you to beat me half to death!!!' '

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