Whatever jokes

Before the day of their scheduled execution, they all agreed on escaping by shouting out something really loud to hopefully scare them off.

The next day the first one to be pulled was the seismologist. The terrorists put him next to a tree and aimed ther guns at his head. The leader said, "Any last words?"

The seismologist replied with a loud shout, "Earthquake!"

The terrorists got scared and ran, so the seismologist escaped.

The terrorists and grabbed the meteorologist. They put him next to a tree with guns pointed at his head. The leader said, "Any last words?"

The meteorologist replied,"Tornado!"

The terrorists got scared and ran away, so the meteorologist escaped.

The terrorists came back and went on to the last, the fireman. They put him next to the tree and pointed guns at his head. The leader said, "Any last words?"

The fireman replied, "Fire!"

So they shot him and he died.

A: He only comes once a year.

As he approched the car he saw a dopey looking guy sitting behind the wheel, staring out the front window. The patrolman asked, "Sir, are you ok? Why did you stop in the middle of the road."

The guy said, "Well, the sign back there said, 'Look out for Deer Crossing.' So I stopped and those dam deer still haven't crossed."

"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a bum for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.

"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a bum for $500,000?"

"You bet your ass I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.

"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"

"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.

"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"

"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirty whores!"