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new york state of mind
Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
truck driver & the bikers

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch, and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside.

The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.

When he was gone, other motorcyclists snickered to one another and congratulated each other on being so "bad". As the cashier walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

getting your goat
According to the latest issue of Nature Biotechnology, scientists have implanted human DNA into female goats.
Is that really new?
Lonely farmers have been doing that for years.
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?

A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

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