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marine get up and go
How do you kill a marine?

Throw sand against the wall and tell him to hit the beach!

two middle easterners exchange moronic lies
A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese guy eating croissants and jam.

Syrian Guy: "Do Lebanese people eat the insides of the croissants?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why? What's wrong with that?"

Syrian Guy: "Well for your information, the insides of the croissants are firstly recycled by the Syrians then sold to the Lebanese. Now as for the jam - do you guys eat jam?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Syrian Guy: "Well, you know the fruits are firstly peeled, eaten then the peels would be then recycled and then sold to the Lebanese."

Lebanese Guy: "Do Syrians have sex?"

Syrian Guy: "Yes, of course."

Lebanese Guy: "Do you use condoms?"

Syrian Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Lebanese Guy: "Well.. when the Lebanese use condoms they recycle them and sell them to the Syrians."

harvard lightbulb
How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One -- he stands still and the world revolves around him.

the poetry of the tides, my friends
What did one ocean say to the beach?

Nothing — it just waved!

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