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monster.com
 
 
A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran out of gas. The man walked to the nearest house and asked if he could get some gas. The owner of the house said that he could stay the night if he wished, since the gas stations were now closed.

"But I must warn you," said the owner, "there's a monster in the garage. No matter what you do, don't touch it."

With that, the owner went upstairs to sleep. But the man was curious, and went out to the garage. He flipped on the lights, and saw a huge, horrible, reptilian monster, curled up in a heaving, grunting ball in the corner. He walked close and stuck out his tongue at it. Nothing. He made a nasty face at it. Nothing. He called him some evil names. He made fun of his mother. Absolutely nothing. So he put out his finger and touched the monster. All of a sudden, the monster sprung up and roared. The man wasted no time and took off running -- with the monster in hot pursuit, and gaining.

The man found himself on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go, and the pounding steps of the monster getting closer and closer. Then the monster was upon and with one giant claw put his finger on the man's shoulder.

"You're it."

that's not the pope's line of work, fool
 
 
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence.
So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbor, "Father, surely you can do something about this.."'

To which the Pope replied, "Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management."

cow at cranberry cove
 
 
What do you call a cow murder mystery?

A moo-done-it.

best goldfish joke ever!
 
 
Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"You man the guns, I'll drive."

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