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captain red shirt
 
 
A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when he sights a pirate ship, and he always wins in battle against them. His first mate asks him why he always wants the red shirt and the captain replies, 'Because if I get wounded, you won't see the blood and you'll keep on fighting.' The next day, a whole fleet of pirate ships attack and the first mate says, 'Give me my brown pants!'
fruit
 
 
Q: What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
A: Fruit by the foot.
women rock
 
 
What do women and rocks have in common?

You skip the flat ones

wife's work on the sly
 
 
A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.

"5th and Main, please."

"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."

"Really? My wife doesn't work."

"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I drive you to work."

"There?"

"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."

"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours, and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later, the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman & Lane.

"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."

There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out with a woman in a headlock.

"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.

"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."


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