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wal-mart vs. heaven
 
 
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers.  Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.

Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors

Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours

Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire

Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone

Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers

Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint

Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices

Heaven: Sam Walton -- now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola -- now on sale!

totally bats
 
 
Two bats are going for their midnight feed.

After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.

The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."

survivor
 
 
A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"
spell check
 
 
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

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