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surrealists 'n' lightbulbs
 
 
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Banana.

praying for the lottery
 
 
One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels down at the altar and begins to pray to God, stating that he owes many people money and asks to win the lottery. After he is done praying, he gets up and walks out.

The next Sunday he goes to the same church and pleads with God through his prayers to let him win the lottery so that he can pay these people back.

The next Sunday comes around and Shane enters the church very upset and close to tears, he kneels at the alter and asks why God is doing this to him and say's that he has asked to win the lottery for three weeks now and nothing. Suddenly there came a loud bang of thunder and God spoke, "Shane, meet me halfway: Buy a damn ticket!"

elephant innuendo
 
 
Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because in the animal kingdom six inches just doesn't cut it.

logical nun
 
 
A nun was telling some other nuns about how she was almost attacked by a man the night before. They all wanted to know how she managed to escape. 'It was easy,' she said, 'I stopped and pulled my dress up.'

Shocked, the other nuns said, 'And then what?!'

'He pulled his pants down,' the nun replied.

'And then what?!' cried the unbelieving nuns.

'And then I ran,' she said. 'After all, a nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down.'


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