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"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
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The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
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2. When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
6. Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
8. When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
9. Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
10. When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold my beer for a sec?"
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