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big nostrils
Why do monsters have such big nostrils?

Because they have such big fingers.
one day, a mechanic was working late...
One day, a mechanic was working late under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid, and that he was drinking a cup with lunch.

His friend was a little concerned but didn't say anything. The next day, he decided to drink a pint. The day after that, he was up to a full bottle's worth. His friend was now really worried. 'You know, that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better stop drinking that stuff!"

"Hey, no problem," he said. "I can stop any time!"

confucious say...runs behind bus
Confucious say: 'Man who runs behind bus is going to get exhausted.'
a little cannibalism humor, folks
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

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