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sensitive men
 
 
Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?

They already have boyfriends.

true newspaper clippings
 
 
  • 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

  • AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

  • SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

  • FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

  • 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

  • TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

  • COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

  • 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

  • STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

  • FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

  • FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

  • SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

  • GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

  • FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

  • FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

  • FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

  • NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE

  • BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

  • SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

  • FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.

  • HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

  • GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

  • HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

  • GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

  • NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED

  • FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

  • AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

  • TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

  • NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

  • EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

  • OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

  • JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

  • LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

  • ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

  • GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

  • GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

  • BAR S SLICED BOLOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2

  • OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

  • KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

  • FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

five pound fly
 
 
How do you get five pounds of meat out of a fly?

Unzip It!

the butcher's wife
 
 
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

“Meat Patty.”

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