Whatever jokes

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.

Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot: Start

Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

To make weathermen look good!

The person said, "Well, you've gotta make sure that he is dead."

So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.
The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"