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journey to the other side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer, to let her know he had arrived safely.

Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived, she nervously showed her neighbor the message, which read: 'Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.'

top 20 signs it's a bad day
 
 
  1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
  2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
  3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
  4. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office.
  5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
  6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
  7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
  8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
  9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
  10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
  11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
  12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
  13. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
  14. You wake up and your braces are locked together.
  15. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
  16. Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
  17. Your paycheck bounces.
  18. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
  19. Your pet rock snaps at you.
  20. Your wife says, 'Good morning, Bill' and your name is George.
army police brutality
 
 
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
pulled over
 
 
A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across the lanes of a road.
"Get out of the car, please."
"But I'm not drunk, officer!"
"Listen, it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not. If you don't get out of this car, I'll arrest you anyway."
"Fine," says the man and gets out of the car.
"Okay, now walk this yellow line." The man looks at the line.
"Which one of them do I walk on?"

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