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"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."
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None -- they don't want to be enlightened!
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The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman said.
The State Police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken," the officer asked.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
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When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'
And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!'
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