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even & odd-numbered snow parking
 
 
Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Harry got up from his coffee and replied, "Well, okay."

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their morning cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Harry got up from his coffee and replied, "Well, okay."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went off and Harry didn't get the rest of the instructions. He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now, Martha?"

Martha said, "Aw, Harry, just leave the car in the garage.

how to annoy people in an elevator
 
 
1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly 'Don't be alarmed folks, the doors will open again shortly'.

2. Press all of the buttons in the elevator when you get out - especially when other people are still in it.

3. Introduce your imaginary friend. And have a conversation with them.

4. Stand at the front of the elevator, facing the back. [If you are the first person in the elevator to do this, others will probably follow your lead]
5. Exclaim to all in the lift 'Oh, no! It's started raining!' then open your umbrella.

6. Ask everyone what their e-mail addresses are then tell them there's too many dot's in them.
a scotsman is on holiday in new york city...
 
 
A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City.

It's a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt.

A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn beneath the kilt.

"No lassie" he replies, "everything is in fine working order."

three guys in a cave
 
 
A blind guy, a deaf guy, and an armless guy were in a cave. All of a sudden, a blind guy said he heard something, the deaf guy said he saw something, and the armless guy said "Let's kick his ass!"

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