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baby clock talk
 
 
What did the baby digital clock say to his mother?

'Look ma, no hands!'
dj's first day of school
 
 
Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went.

'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher.'

'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!' Little DJ goes to his room, and when his father comes home, DJ's mom tells his father, 'I'm absolutely disgusted with DJ. He said he came top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and had sex with the teacher!'

'That's my boy' thinks his Dad. So he goes upstairs to talk to DJ. 'Don't worry about your Mom. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you this weekend.'

'Oh no, Dad, don't. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a while.'

constipation
 
 
Did you hear about the new movie 'Constipation?'

It hasn't come out yet.
annoying things to do in a restaurant
 
 
  1. Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.
  2. Growl constantly and address everyone as 'Matey'.
  3. Ask for the Soup-du-Jour… at a fast food joint.
  4. Then ask about the freshness of the meat.
  5. Get out a stopwatch and see how fast you can get the manager over to you.
  6. Stare at a neighbor's food until they say something and then reply, "Oh don't mind me, I'm just looking for the piece of food that flew out of my mouth."
  7. Ask the waiter for a fresh fork, then a fresh spoon, then a fresh tablecloth.
  8. Burp the National Anthem, call anyone who objects unpatriotic.
  9. Yell, "Oh no not now!" and make a mad dash to the bathroom.
  10. Make obvious attempts to trip the waiters, snicker constantly.

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