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thanksgiving turkey
 
 
One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Without hesitation my freind knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, 'He gave you the bird!"

stop tailgating
 
 
A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" embroidered on her panties and bra.
"Yes ma'am," said the clerk. "I'm quite certian that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"
"Braille," she replied.
bush has a short one
 
 
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?

A last name.

not so saved by the bell
 
 
The preacher was very distraught after the death of the bell ringer the day before and didn't know what to do. He began the search for another bell ringer. Many people tried, but none could match the talents of the bell ringer he had before.

Finally, when the priest had all but given up hope, an armless man came to apply for the job. The priest was ready to turn him away, how could an armless man do justice to the bells of his church?

The man pleaded with him and told him he was the brother of the man who died the day before. When the priest heard that he decided that out of respect for his brother he must allow him to try.

The man thanked the priest and began to throw his shoulder into the bell. The priest could hardly believe the wonderful tones coming from the bells. As the priest was about to appoint him the bell ringer the man ran once more for the bell. But this time he tripped and fell to his death on the street.

The priest ran out and a large crowd had gathered. Someone shouted 'Does any one know this man? '

To which the priest replied, ' I don't know his name but he's a dead ringer for his brother'


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