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riddle: the man
 
 
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?

The man's a midget, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

the headache
 
 
A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand the pain and decides to go to a doctor. The doctor tells him his balls are pressing against his spine and causing a reaction that gives headaches, and the only way to cure it is to remove his testicles. The man goes home, talks to his wife and decides to have the operation the next day.

Once he gets out of the hospital he needs a new suit because the crotch is too big on his old ones. When he gets to the suit store a sales clerk walks up to him and says, 'Neck: 16.5, suit: 42 long, waist: 34.'

The ball-less man tells him that he's right about everything but the waist size -- he is actually a 32. The clerk replies, 'If you wore a 32 your balls would press against your spine and give you terrible headaches.'

dictaphone
 
 
A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks, "May I use your dictaphone?"

He replies, "No. Use your finger like everyone else."

a lady and her baby...
 
 
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"

The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."


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