Whatever jokes

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military Spec) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.

A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?

The man's a midget, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

These two friends are about to go to a club. One of them has a wooden eye. He said 'If someone says something about my eye, i'm gonna snap.' They get there, and he asks a girl to dance. She says, 'Would I?'

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the pants.