Whatever jokes

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Whatever


a little far-fetched, but okay
 
 
What do you call a midget clairvoyant on the run?
A small medium at large!
rejected hallmark cards
 
 
1) So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
She's a really good lay!

2) My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I loooked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

3) You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mends.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.

4) You've announced that you're gay,
Won't that be a laugh,
When they find out you're one
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

5) Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy!

6) Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!

7) You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?
blonde looking for a job
 
 
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.

'Yes.'
drinking buddies
 
 
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"

"I'm from Ireland."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Dublin are you from?"

"The East Side."

"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where on the East Side are you from?"

"McDonagh Street."

"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"

"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender,"it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."


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