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'I'm at the end of my tether doctor, is there anything you can suggest I do?'
So the doctor examines him and after some prodding and tutting finally suggests that he should spend six months in hospital, with his jaws wired shut.
'Well, OK doctor, it sounds drastic, but I guess that's what I need.'
Anyway, six months go by and the dude comes out of hospital, thin as a rake. He goes round to the doctor's to thank him.
'There's only one problem doctor, you see I was so fat beforehand, that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?'
'Hmm, short of pretty comprehensive plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Take your clothes off a moment.'
So the dude strips down. Then, squeezing it all upwards, the doctor ties it in a ball above his head.
'That's all well and good, doc', the dude said, 'but my navel is now in the middle of my forehead.'
The doctor replies, 'Yes, but you should see what you have got for a collar and tie!'
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"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors."JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you."CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up."MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend."DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around."MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control."CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way)."APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled."NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality."SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left."PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos."REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
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