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new year's suckers
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Fang Syne!

naked olympic pole vaulting
A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking girl and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear."

more zombie baby jokes
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.

How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.

What's more fun then a barrel of monkeys? A barrel of zombie babies.

What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.

the legend of the christmas tree angel
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...

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