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new year's suckers
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Fang Syne!

naked olympic pole vaulting
A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking girl and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear."

Susan was standing on a street corner when Bob stopped and said, 'Hey Susan, er, did you know you have a tampon hanging out of your mouth?'

'Oh my God,' she said, 'what did I do with my cigarette?'

more zombie baby jokes
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.

How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.

What's more fun then a barrel of monkeys? A barrel of zombie babies.

What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.

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